Turning a Negative into a Positive

I am trying so hard to keep a positive attitude in the New Year.  I was doing great the first couple of weeks.  It seems like as soon as I stopped waking up early to have my moments of gratitude and mornings full of thanks, things started to change.  I am trying so hard to not be negative, but I will tell, you it’s difficult to get out of this funk.  It’s like once you start, how do you get back?  I need a clean slate.  A fresh start again.  

Work has been good, but now the receptionist is going out for at least a month.  We have a temp to cover, but basically she is late, like hours late, every morning, and that’s if she shows up.  So who has to cover the phones?  Me.  Well, I share the duty with two of my co workers.  I usually cover the phones at lunch break as well.  It’s not that I can’t do it.  I just get in my “it’s not fair” mode.  Ugh.  Pity party!  I need to get over myself and snap out of this mood!  I need to give thanks that I have a job.  I need to realize my life is pretty damn good!  I hate being a Debby Downer.  

This past weekend I watched the movie Human: Volume 1.  If I stop and think about some of the people that I saw in this movie, I can shut myself up.  It is a documentary of sorts that I was turned on to by Tunisia Joyln.  (check out her blog here)  It is basically a series of interviews with all different people from all around the world answering all different questions.  

This morning, as I sit here, trying to check myself before I wreck myself, one woman stands out in my mind.  She says the most important thing she does is look at bottles.  She looks at bottles all day, sometimes for 12 hours a day.  She then goes on to say that she is exhausted.  Who am I to complain?  I have my own apartment, heat, running water, a car to drive, I sit at a computer all day.  I am not walking or standing all day.  I am not in the cold or snow, or even in the heat of a factory or field.  No, I have it pretty good.  Who am I to sit here and complain that I have to pick up the phone?  There is another man who talks about lifting tires and how heavy they are.  How his back aches from laboring all day.  I don’t have to life much at all.  Maybe a finger?  

The more I think about this movie, these people, I am humbled.  I realize how good my life really is.  I can sit here and find plenty of things to complain about, or I can sit here and realize how blessed I really am.  I have a beautiful, loving family, (one man talks about losing his brothers and sisters because of health, not having food), I have plenty of food and water.  I have my health.  I have NOTHING to complain about.  NOTHING!  

So that being said, I think I have reminded myself how much I really have.  How I really need to appreciate everything.  You can find the positive and the negative in every situation.  I encourage people to watch this movie.  There are 3 volumes and I have only seen the first so far.  It is a good reminder of the things that really matter in life.  To be thankful for what we have.  To remind us how to turn a negative into a positive.  

 

Photo Credit:  I do not own the rights to this photo it was found on the internet

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It’s ok to Cry

We all have those days.  Those days we feel like we have failed.  Those days we want to sit in a corner and hide.  Or crawl back into bed, pull the covers over our heads and shut out the rest of the world.  Why is it we are so hard on ourselves, yet so kind to others.  Why do we not give ourselves more credit?  If only we could look at ourselves through other people’s eyes.  If only we would treat ourselves, the way we treat others.

Encouraging ourselves.  Telling ourselves, “hey!  It’s ok.  You can’t do everything in one day.  You don’t have to be perfect.  You are human!  You are not a machine.  You are not a droid or a clone.  You make mistakes.”  In fact, that is how you learn better!  If we could take the time each day, to find one thing we love about ourselves.  Be proud of what we have accomplished.  

I feel like lately I have had lots of conversations with people who are feeling down.  Having moments they want to cry.  Moments they don’t want to get out of bed or just moments of struggle.  Guess, what?  What if I told you we ALL have these moments?  Yes, even I do!

For those people who know me, who have known me throughout the years either in person or through social media, what if I told you a secret.  What if I told you that I have had these moments.

Yes, I may post statuses on facebook about how my teenager is driving me mad.  How my car was broken down.  How I didn’t want to work in insurance anymore.  But that’s not all.  There are things that I have not shared.  Moments that maybe no one even knows about.  Today, I need to share these moments.  

As a single mom, yes I have complained from time to time about not having money.  I may have felt bad for myself.  But what if I told you there were nights I cried?  Times that I felt sad and lonely.  Times that I cried in bed alone and had pity parties.  Nights I wondered why was I alone.  Nights I felt unworthy of pretty much anything and everything.  I didn’t tell anyone.  I was supposed to be a strong, independent, single woman.  I felt I couldn’t show anyone this side.  I couldn’t show anyone my vulnerability.  I would fight to hide that and get up and put a smile on my face.  I would walk around confident in public because that is what a strong, independent single mother does.

Over the past few months I have really been working through some things.  Dealing with the fact that I am sensitive.  Thinking about the fact that I try to be tough.  That is, until I realized who I was fighting.  It was me!  I was fighting myself!  I wasn’t fighting anyone else but me.  I finally realized that it’s ok to be vulnerable.  It’s ok to feel!  It’s ok to ask for help, to accept help, to feel emotions.  It’s ok to be me.  It doesn’t mean that I’m not strong and independent.  I have proven that for years.  But sometimes being strong means asking for and accepting help.  Sometimes being strong is being vulnerable.  Having the strength to ask for help.  The strength to accept help and the strength to cry, but then get up, wipe your tears and keep going.  

I am not writing this for pity, but for encouragement.  To remind all these strong independent, single women out there to know it’s ok to be vulnerable.  It’s ok to ask for help.  And it’s ok to cry.

 

This is a song by India Arie that always encourages and remind me that I can do anything when I believe in myself.  If you are having a rough day, go ahead and take a listen.