Why healing shows up in cycles — and what it actually means when it returns.
Healing Is Not What People Think It Is
Healing is not linear.
It’s not a race.
It’s not something you finish and move on from.
Healing is ongoing.
It happens in cycles.
It shows up in layers.
Because just when you think you’ve healed something,
life hands it right back to you.
Healing Is Like Hot Potato
Honestly, healing is like Hot Potato.
You’re standing in a circle, passing the thing around as fast as you can, hoping the music doesn’t stop while it’s in your hands. Nobody wants to be the one holding it.
When it lands in your lap, you panic a little.
It’s uncomfortable.
It’s hot.
You want it gone.
So you do the work.
You cry.
You get angry.
You journal.
You go to therapy.
You take responsibility where you need to.
You swear you’ll never repeat the same pattern again.
And when you finally feel like you’ve dealt with it, you toss that potato as fast as you can.
Relief.
Whew.
That was hard — but you made it.
Until somehow… it comes back around.
Same potato.
Different moment.
Different packaging.
That’s how healing works.
Life doesn’t throw new lessons at you as much as it reintroduces the same ones in different settings.
When Healing Gets Personal
Take relationships.
After a breakup, it’s easy to focus on what the other person did wrong. And sometimes that’s fair.
But if you stay with it long enough — if you’re really paying attention — something else starts to surface.
You start asking harder questions:
- What if this person was reflecting something back to me?
- What if the things that frustrated me about them are also things I need to look at in myself?
They didn’t take responsibility.
Okay — where didn’t I?
They crossed boundaries.
Okay — where didn’t I have any?
That’s when healing stops being theoretical and starts being personal.
It’s painful.
It’s humbling.
It takes time.
The Quiet Middle No One Talks About
You spend stretches alone.
You see where you abandoned yourself.
You realize you weren’t filtering for what you wanted — you were making yourself smaller so someone else could fit.
You were doing emotional labor for two people and calling it love.
Eventually, something shifts.
You get clearer.
Your standards change.
Your boundaries become less flexible.
You reach that moment where you think:
I’m good now.
I don’t need a partner.
I’d like one — but I don’t need one.
You know what you want.
You know what you won’t bend on.
And then — inevitably — the potato comes back.
Same Lesson, Different Arena
Only this time, it’s not romantic.
It’s work.
Or family.
Or a boss.
Or a system you can’t just walk away from because you need stability and a paycheck.
Same lesson.
Different rules.
That’s usually when people think they’ve failed.
But that’s not failure.
That’s the game continuing.
What Healing Actually Means
Healing doesn’t mean the lesson disappears.
It means you meet it differently when it returns.
With more awareness.
With clearer boundaries.
With less self-abandonment.
This is the part no one really explains.
Healing isn’t about becoming endlessly patient, calm, or agreeable.
It’s not about loving yourself in the shallow, performative sense.
It’s not about affirmations or glow-ups.
Healing shows up as:
- boundaries you used to avoid
- standards you used to negotiate away
- speaking up even when your voice shakes
- being okay with people thinking you’ve changed
Because you have.
Some people won’t like the healed version of you —
not because you’re wrong,
but because they benefited from the version of you that passed the potato quietly.
The Truth About Healing
Healing doesn’t make you lighter. It makes you more honest.
And once you understand the game, you stop asking why the lesson keeps coming back.
You realize something else instead:
You don’t lose the game.
You just get better at it.
If this resonated, I’d love to hear from you.
Where has the “same potato” shown up again in your life — and how are you meeting it differently now?
Thanks for stepping into my wardrobe.
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Adventures of the Traveling Grief Case 
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