Turning a Negative into a Positive

I am trying so hard to keep a positive attitude in the New Year.  I was doing great the first couple of weeks.  It seems like as soon as I stopped waking up early to have my moments of gratitude and mornings full of thanks, things started to change.  I am trying so hard to not be negative, but I will tell, you it’s difficult to get out of this funk.  It’s like once you start, how do you get back?  I need a clean slate.  A fresh start again.  

Work has been good, but now the receptionist is going out for at least a month.  We have a temp to cover, but basically she is late, like hours late, every morning, and that’s if she shows up.  So who has to cover the phones?  Me.  Well, I share the duty with two of my co workers.  I usually cover the phones at lunch break as well.  It’s not that I can’t do it.  I just get in my “it’s not fair” mode.  Ugh.  Pity party!  I need to get over myself and snap out of this mood!  I need to give thanks that I have a job.  I need to realize my life is pretty damn good!  I hate being a Debby Downer.  

This past weekend I watched the movie Human: Volume 1.  If I stop and think about some of the people that I saw in this movie, I can shut myself up.  It is a documentary of sorts that I was turned on to by Tunisia Joyln.  (check out her blog here)  It is basically a series of interviews with all different people from all around the world answering all different questions.  

This morning, as I sit here, trying to check myself before I wreck myself, one woman stands out in my mind.  She says the most important thing she does is look at bottles.  She looks at bottles all day, sometimes for 12 hours a day.  She then goes on to say that she is exhausted.  Who am I to complain?  I have my own apartment, heat, running water, a car to drive, I sit at a computer all day.  I am not walking or standing all day.  I am not in the cold or snow, or even in the heat of a factory or field.  No, I have it pretty good.  Who am I to sit here and complain that I have to pick up the phone?  There is another man who talks about lifting tires and how heavy they are.  How his back aches from laboring all day.  I don’t have to life much at all.  Maybe a finger?  

The more I think about this movie, these people, I am humbled.  I realize how good my life really is.  I can sit here and find plenty of things to complain about, or I can sit here and realize how blessed I really am.  I have a beautiful, loving family, (one man talks about losing his brothers and sisters because of health, not having food), I have plenty of food and water.  I have my health.  I have NOTHING to complain about.  NOTHING!  

So that being said, I think I have reminded myself how much I really have.  How I really need to appreciate everything.  You can find the positive and the negative in every situation.  I encourage people to watch this movie.  There are 3 volumes and I have only seen the first so far.  It is a good reminder of the things that really matter in life.  To be thankful for what we have.  To remind us how to turn a negative into a positive.  

 

Photo Credit:  I do not own the rights to this photo it was found on the internet

Blogging, biking and balance

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So here I am. At the gym.  Really don’t want to be, but since I’m on week 3 of the new year, I know I need to.  I started to fall off a bit.  Most likely it was because I am that “all or nothing” gal.  I get all Gung ho and burn myself right out.  Sometimes I forget to balance things out.  That is what I really need to work on.  So many things I want to start doing so I try to do them all.  Here is a summary of my workouts so far.

Week 1 – I exercised 7 days (gym or walked)
Week 2 – I was at the gym 4 days
Week 3 – I was at the gym 2 days out of 4

All weekend I felt exhausted and lazy.  I also feel like I’m coming down with a cold. I’m pretty sure that it’s because I haven’t been drinking enough water.  I’ve been eating healthy and I’m down 5 lbs so far.  I even had my first skinny day.  You know those days when you just feel skinny, even if you don’t look any more skinny than you were the day before?  Yet when you over do it or try to do everything at once it can sometimes backfire.
Story of my life.  Almost 38 and I’ve still yet to learn balance.  Some lady actually caught me journaling in the sauna this weekend  *embarrassing*. She said it was great that I could do that. I told her I think it’s because sometimes I don’t know how to slow down.  I’m always trying to multitask. I literally have to tell myself it’s OK to do nothing.  I find myself trying to fit everything in.  I mean even now I’m on the elliptical typing this. Obviously I’m not moving too fast but I’m moving.   As an Aries, I often forget that sometimes slow and steady wins the race.  I have to remind myself to breathe, to close my eyes, slow down my mind and feel life.  Stop wishing it away.  Stop plowing through.   It’s actually like the exercise.    Did you know that you actually burn fat at a slower level than cardio? While cardio is good for your heart, the rate your body burns fat is actually slower.  Even your body needs to slow down to get ahead sometimes.   Some days your body needs rest.  Time to heal.  Time to take a deep breath and get it together so you can move ahead.
I can hear the spin class going on next door. Last week I completed a spin class for the first time in years.  Spinning is no joke.  I have a love hate relationship with it but I think I did it as more of a challenge to myself.  To prove to myself I could do it.  I did.  It was definitely not fun at first but then you challenge yourself to push through.   It felt good to know I could do it.  This week, however, I’m lucky I even got here.  I really only came for the sauna.  And right now I’m only on the bike so I can finish this blog.
Now that I look back at the fact that I have made it to the gym two out of four days, that pretty darn good.  I’ll take 50%.
Over all it has been a good week, and hey, I made it! Maybe my body starting to feel sick is a reminder to slow down.  I’m in this for the long haul.  Stop rushing and enjoy the moment.

*photo credit – I do not own rights to photo it was found on the Internet

Getting out of my own way

For most of my life weight has been an issue for me.  I’ve had ups and downs.  The last time I remember being really happy with my body was when I started running.  I had just quit smoking for the first time. (yes, I had slip ups and have quit more than once.)  Lately I started asking myself what happened to that me? The one I used to love.  What happened to the runner?  What did I do? Why did I stop taking care of my body?  I guess the first issue was when I ended up with an injury.  I had a hard time getting back into running after that.  My mind kept telling me to nurse my injury.  Fear took over and told me I couldn’t do it anymore.  Things changed over the years.  I started learning to love myself, for more than my physical appearance.  Yet every year at my physical the issue of weight would come up and I would leave the doctor’s office in tears!
So I started delving deeper, trying to figure out what the real “issue” surrounding my weight was.  Maybe I needed to meditate on it.  To stop dieting.  Stop obsessing and weighing myself every day.  (Sometimes several times a day)  Then I just left it alone.  After so many different times of trying and not seeing the scale change much more than a pound or two I left it alone.  I would walk or do some stretching hereand there.  My mind told me, it doesn’t matter what I do.  I’m just stuck.  I would eat healthy, I would write down everything I ate, count calories.  What was it?  Eventually I left it alone.  I gave up. 
So this past week I decided to pick up a cleansing kit at Trader Joe’s for the New Year.  It’s nothing extreme, just some supplements to take but you eat healthy and of course lots of water.  I noticed lately my body and mind have been craving gym time.  I keep having these thoughts about how good I would feel after working out.  Yet I continued to come home from work and make dinner or sit down.  I continued to make plans to do things, make plans to write and just plain make excuses!  Yesterday morning I woke up to a new year and thought I should weigh myself.  I started this cleanse and I need a starting weight to see what it does to my body.  I pulled the scale out from it’s hiding place, dusted it off and placed it on the floor.  I did a double take.  What did that say??? Ten pounds heavier than I expected.  I have never weighed this much in my life!  I knew I felt it.  Especially after the holidays.  That is when it hit me.  I MUST do something!  No, my weight does not define who I am.  People will love me for who I am regardless, and if they don’t, I don’t need those people in my life.  I must do something for me.  For my health.   My mental, physical and emotional health.  I must get out of my own damn way.  I must start being who I who I want to be.  Not trying to find the healthy woman I was a few years back.  Not just trying to find the woman who loved getting up early to run.  Yes, I want that body again, but I am no longer that woman.  I have changed.  I have learned and grown and become an even better version of myself.  I need to get out of my own damn way because I am the only one preventing me from being the me I want and need to be!  My weight doesn’t define me, but feeling comfortable in my own skin makes a difference.  Feeling confident in myself makes a difference.  THIS is why I need to do something about it.  For me!  For my strength.  My confidence.  My health.  I need to do something not because I need others to love my body but so that I can start loving and taking care of my body.  I need this because at the end of the day I want to feel good!  I want to feel comfortable in my own skin.  I want to be the best me. 
So watch out 2016 because THIS WILL BE MY BEST YEAR YET! This will be my best me.  I am ready to get out of my own way.  I am ready to really love me!