A mother’s love ❤

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We all think we know what love is, that is, until we have children.  Once you have a child and hold that baby in your arms, your whole perception of love changes.  I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant and scared as could be.  I had no plans to be a mother.  You hear people all the time say things like, she’s so smart, I can’t believe she got pregnant.  She had big plans for college , now it’s all changed.  When I think about the day I found out I was pregnant, I remember I was terrified.  I was scared to tell my parents.  I was terrified to let them down.  I had my whole life ahead of me.  I had no idea how I was going to make it as a mom.  I had no idea how I would even survive labor pains!  I was the biggest baby!  I couldn’t even swallow a pill let alone give birth to a child. 
Today, my son will be 18 in less than 2 months.  He will be close to the age that I was when I had him.  Only a year younger.  When I think about all the friends who were in college and working on their careers, doing things the “right” way.  I think about the fact that when young women get pregnant, people make comments about how she has “ruined her life.”  How it changes everything.  Yes.  It does.  But I can tell you this, I wouldn’t change a thing!!  I wouldn’t be the person I am today if it wasn’t for my son!  So what if I didn’t make millions.  So what if I didn’t have everything.  So what if my 2 year degree took me 5 years.  Honestly, I have never even used it!  What I did learn in the experience of being a mother is more than any book, teacher or lesson plan can teach me.  I learned so much more!  I learned unconditional love!  From the moment I held that baby boy in my arms, my whole world changed.  Everything I did was to make his world a better place.  It stopped being about me.  Yes, I had moments of struggle and difficult days.  Yes I made mistakes and was not perfect.  But honestly, I don’t feel like I sacrificed anything from my life because I wouldn’t be me if it weren’t for him.  I wouldn’t have met the friends and coaches and people in my life today if it weren’t for him. 
When you hold that baby in your arms there is a feeling like no other.  It can’t even be described.  You can’t help but be worried when something bad “could” happen.  I finally understood why my parents would worry when I didn’t call to check in, I was fine!  Now I know that worry.  All you want to do is protect them.  You want to shelter them.  You learn all the bad and terrible things that could happen and when they are not in your sight, you think of these things.  You want to comfort them when they are hurt.  You want to feed them when they are hungry or you think they should or could be hungry. You want to hug and kiss them when they have a boo boo.  You feel their pain when they are hurt, scared, heartbroken, sad, stressed.  You just want to take it all away and make it better.
I remember thinking that once he started getting older I wouldn’t worry as much.  Yeah right!  The closer your child gets to becoming an adult, the scarier it is!  You realize you have less and less control over things they do, decisions they make.  You pray more often. You pray for their safety.           You pray they make good decisions, but mostly, you pray that you have instilled in them the ability to make the best decisions for themselves.  You pray they will “just say no” to drugs.  You pray they will not get in a car after drinking.  You pray that they will put their all into everything they do, because as a parent, you know your child can do anything they want!  Including becoming president if they choose.  These days, I wish my son could be president because I know he could do better than Trump!
So after almost 18 years of being a mom I finally get it.  I finally understand why at 37 years old my parents still want me to check in with them once in awhile.  Why even when I was 30 years old my dad would wait for me to get home late at night.  Us parents don’t mean to be like this!  We just know all of the crazy things going on in this world.  We know that every time we hear sirens and our child is not right there we think of the worst things that could happen!    We don’t mean to be this way it’s just that since that very day that you came into our lives, the day you were placed in our arms, we found this love that we had never known before.  This love that made us care more about ourselves than ever.  This indescribable feeling like no other.  So please, just humor us once in awhile because one day, when you have children, you will finally get it. You will hold that baby in your arms and understand the meaning of unconditional love. 
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