It’s ok to Cry

We all have those days.  Those days we feel like we have failed.  Those days we want to sit in a corner and hide.  Or crawl back into bed, pull the covers over our heads and shut out the rest of the world.  Why is it we are so hard on ourselves, yet so kind to others.  Why do we not give ourselves more credit?  If only we could look at ourselves through other people’s eyes.  If only we would treat ourselves, the way we treat others.

Encouraging ourselves.  Telling ourselves, “hey!  It’s ok.  You can’t do everything in one day.  You don’t have to be perfect.  You are human!  You are not a machine.  You are not a droid or a clone.  You make mistakes.”  In fact, that is how you learn better!  If we could take the time each day, to find one thing we love about ourselves.  Be proud of what we have accomplished.  

I feel like lately I have had lots of conversations with people who are feeling down.  Having moments they want to cry.  Moments they don’t want to get out of bed or just moments of struggle.  Guess, what?  What if I told you we ALL have these moments?  Yes, even I do!

For those people who know me, who have known me throughout the years either in person or through social media, what if I told you a secret.  What if I told you that I have had these moments.

Yes, I may post statuses on facebook about how my teenager is driving me mad.  How my car was broken down.  How I didn’t want to work in insurance anymore.  But that’s not all.  There are things that I have not shared.  Moments that maybe no one even knows about.  Today, I need to share these moments.  

As a single mom, yes I have complained from time to time about not having money.  I may have felt bad for myself.  But what if I told you there were nights I cried?  Times that I felt sad and lonely.  Times that I cried in bed alone and had pity parties.  Nights I wondered why was I alone.  Nights I felt unworthy of pretty much anything and everything.  I didn’t tell anyone.  I was supposed to be a strong, independent, single woman.  I felt I couldn’t show anyone this side.  I couldn’t show anyone my vulnerability.  I would fight to hide that and get up and put a smile on my face.  I would walk around confident in public because that is what a strong, independent single mother does.

Over the past few months I have really been working through some things.  Dealing with the fact that I am sensitive.  Thinking about the fact that I try to be tough.  That is, until I realized who I was fighting.  It was me!  I was fighting myself!  I wasn’t fighting anyone else but me.  I finally realized that it’s ok to be vulnerable.  It’s ok to feel!  It’s ok to ask for help, to accept help, to feel emotions.  It’s ok to be me.  It doesn’t mean that I’m not strong and independent.  I have proven that for years.  But sometimes being strong means asking for and accepting help.  Sometimes being strong is being vulnerable.  Having the strength to ask for help.  The strength to accept help and the strength to cry, but then get up, wipe your tears and keep going.  

I am not writing this for pity, but for encouragement.  To remind all these strong independent, single women out there to know it’s ok to be vulnerable.  It’s ok to ask for help.  And it’s ok to cry.

 

This is a song by India Arie that always encourages and remind me that I can do anything when I believe in myself.  If you are having a rough day, go ahead and take a listen.

 

 

Blogging, biking and balance

image

So here I am. At the gym.  Really don’t want to be, but since I’m on week 3 of the new year, I know I need to.  I started to fall off a bit.  Most likely it was because I am that “all or nothing” gal.  I get all Gung ho and burn myself right out.  Sometimes I forget to balance things out.  That is what I really need to work on.  So many things I want to start doing so I try to do them all.  Here is a summary of my workouts so far.

Week 1 – I exercised 7 days (gym or walked)
Week 2 – I was at the gym 4 days
Week 3 – I was at the gym 2 days out of 4

All weekend I felt exhausted and lazy.  I also feel like I’m coming down with a cold. I’m pretty sure that it’s because I haven’t been drinking enough water.  I’ve been eating healthy and I’m down 5 lbs so far.  I even had my first skinny day.  You know those days when you just feel skinny, even if you don’t look any more skinny than you were the day before?  Yet when you over do it or try to do everything at once it can sometimes backfire.
Story of my life.  Almost 38 and I’ve still yet to learn balance.  Some lady actually caught me journaling in the sauna this weekend  *embarrassing*. She said it was great that I could do that. I told her I think it’s because sometimes I don’t know how to slow down.  I’m always trying to multitask. I literally have to tell myself it’s OK to do nothing.  I find myself trying to fit everything in.  I mean even now I’m on the elliptical typing this. Obviously I’m not moving too fast but I’m moving.   As an Aries, I often forget that sometimes slow and steady wins the race.  I have to remind myself to breathe, to close my eyes, slow down my mind and feel life.  Stop wishing it away.  Stop plowing through.   It’s actually like the exercise.    Did you know that you actually burn fat at a slower level than cardio? While cardio is good for your heart, the rate your body burns fat is actually slower.  Even your body needs to slow down to get ahead sometimes.   Some days your body needs rest.  Time to heal.  Time to take a deep breath and get it together so you can move ahead.
I can hear the spin class going on next door. Last week I completed a spin class for the first time in years.  Spinning is no joke.  I have a love hate relationship with it but I think I did it as more of a challenge to myself.  To prove to myself I could do it.  I did.  It was definitely not fun at first but then you challenge yourself to push through.   It felt good to know I could do it.  This week, however, I’m lucky I even got here.  I really only came for the sauna.  And right now I’m only on the bike so I can finish this blog.
Now that I look back at the fact that I have made it to the gym two out of four days, that pretty darn good.  I’ll take 50%.
Over all it has been a good week, and hey, I made it! Maybe my body starting to feel sick is a reminder to slow down.  I’m in this for the long haul.  Stop rushing and enjoy the moment.

*photo credit – I do not own rights to photo it was found on the Internet

I am

I am truth
I am beauty
I am confidence
I am light
shining forth
From the inside out
To reflect
all
that is within me 
Expanding
Into nature
to share with this world
To light
The way for others
To heal
To love
I am strength
unimagined
I am the only me
Made like no other
Beauty
Love
Gentleness
Radiating
from within
Shining bright for all to see
To empower others
To light the way
towards my path
So that i may see
where i am heading
To a place of peace and joy
To create
A magical moment
in the day to day
To touch one person
To light the way of hope
So that it may ripple on
to infinity
To spread
throughout the universe

Beauty

She radiates beauty
from within her soul
Shining bright
from the inside out
It shows
in her eyes
her smile
her gentle spirit
A strong
yet peaceful
beauty
which was hidden
for so long
Clouded
by those who came
before him
those
who dampened it
Who blocked it
who tried to steal a piece
to keep for themselves
Not knowing
it’s power
couldn’t be taken
It was meant
to be shared 
To grow
and blossom
to shine
and multiply
But only he
had the spirit
and the power
to set it free 
Only he
had the strength image

to show her
the reflection
through the waters
that ran deep
within him