Unknown

So you thought you felt as i did
Looking for something
You thought you may have found it
Then it seemed to disappear
And fade away
You learned you were wrong
You made a mistake
Everything you thought you’d found
Felt
Seen
Turned out to be a mirage
Nothing but a mere illusion
What had seemed so real
So true
Was gone in a flash
What if you were wrong?
What if you ARE wrong?
What if none of it mattered?
What if you were wrong about knowing?
Maybe sometimes you just don’t know
What you think you know
Maybe sometimes the way you think things should happen, don’t happen that way at all
What if it takes more than just a moment
A feeling
A knowing
To really find the truth
What if it takes time
Work
Knowledge
To really know
What if you never know?
What if it takes change
Growth
Education
To really find what you thought you had lost
What if you thought you lost something
Only to realize it was really there all along
That it just wasn’t where you thought it was
Was right in front of your face but you weren’t really ready to see it?
Not at that time
What if
Just what if
None of that mattered
What if you were right where you were supposed to be
What if you weren’t supposed to know
What if you were supposed to learn
Grow
Live and love and change
Never really knowing all the answers
Just taking it all in
Being content in the moment
Realizing that even if you don’t know the why of the why
Its ok
Knowing that everything happens for a reason and accepting the unknown

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Being my own best friend

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I’ve been getting the message of being your own best friend a lot lately, from all different places.  It’s like  the universe is sending me signs.  One of these signs came from Afrika Bohemian of Tribe 53’s post called  UHURU THURSDAYS: WOMBMAN OWN YOURSELF!  She had been inspired by a post Tikeetha from A Thomas Point of View did called It’s About Time.  They were both inspired by my post  Loving Me where I wrote myself a love letter.  They weren’t the only ones because Josie over at Mindjobusiness.com also wrote a love letter to herself inspired by my post which she calls Why I Love Josie.   And the best part is this was all inspired by Just Plain Ol’ Vic post Food for Thought. Who knew this would come full circle?  We just knew we all had a common goal of spreading the love.

Lately I have not been in the mood to blog much and mostly because I needed to write for me.  No one else.  Just me.  

Continue reading “Being my own best friend”

My Truth

Do you ever find something you wrote a long time ago and amaze yourself with how smart you were?  Sometimes I think we need to remind ourselves how much we really know.  Many times we know the answers to the questions we are asking but ignore them because they aren’t the answers we want. 

Truth. Honesty.  It’s amazing how speaking the truth does so much for one’s well being.  Being honest with yourself.  That is the key.  Why do we lie to ourselves?  Sometimes we are even afraid of our own truth.  Amazing.  Once we begin being truly honest with ourselves can we open up and allow the truth to flow around us.

Trust not just in other people but in ourselves!  That is the real truth.  Knowing ourselves and what we want.
Taking ego and fear out of the outcome.  Speaking your truth just frees you.  No matter the outcome, once you are sure within yourself, other people’s response will not matter.  You will simply feel free because you are confident in yourself.

I read this and thought to myself, wow! I wrote that??  I wish I had taken my own advice months ago when I shared my first blog post.  The one that was posted on Wendy Jane’s Soul Shake.  The one that I was terrified to post because even though it was speaking my truth, it was also sharing a piece of me.  It was very personal because ultimately I would realize it was my way of working out who I am on paper.  It was really me pouring out pieces of my heart and soul onto paper. 
I was so scared to share it because I was worried what people would think of me.  I still get nervous when I share it, that it will be read wrong or offend someone, but I know that it is written in love.  It came from my heart, my thoughts and my feelings.
So here is my personal essay on Why I Love Black Culture.  Love it or hate it, it is my truth. Here is my personal essay…

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Just Me —– by Elissa Butson

When I think back and try to figure out where my love and interest for black culture came from, I still can’t pinpoint it. I can remember being in Evan’s
market with my mom and my baby doll and hearing a little girl say, “mom why does she have a black doll?” I was so upset by the comment. Why would she say that? I remember feeling embarrassed, like I was the one who had done something wrong. At the same time, I felt confused. I couldn’t understand why it was a big deal.

Continue reading “My Truth”

3 Day quote challenge with a twist!

So I was nominated by Tikeetha for the 3 day quote.  I follow her blog and I really enjoy it, check her out!  She did love quotes and I think I am going to switch it up and incorporate Black History Month and Valentine’s Day for this.  I’m also going to take quotes from song lyrics because, hey, love songs have great quotes too!  So each day I will post a song, highlight the line I love and post the video as well.  They will all be love songs by Black artists for Black History month.  Then I will nominate 3 bloggers each day to do the same.  (Only you can just post quotes, nothing fancy.  Although I think they should either pertain to love for Valentine’s day or they should pertain to Black History Month…but that’s my two cents)

So the first Quote is from one of my favorite Black Male artists, Anthony Hamilton.  If you don’t know him, you should definintly check him out.  I love his voice, his music, and his lyrics.  One of my favorite songs by him is called “The Truth”.   See the video here: 
The Truth
My favorite line from this song is

” Compromise, try and see eye to eye, 

Cause love’s not blind, it knows when you care”

This is so true.  I hope you enjoy this song.  Also, if you are interested you can find the lyrics below.

I nominate the following 3 bloggers for the 3 Day Quote Challenge. All you have to do is post a quote for 3 days and each day you nominate 3 other bloggers to post a quote.

Nicia
TheChyLife
Aishwariya Ramachandran

So look for another love song, quote and Black Artist tomorrow.  Oh and check out the lyrics below. 😆

“The Truth”

You must feel safe when you fall in love
Equal in the time you and I share together
Compromise, try and see eye to eye
Cause love’s not blind, it knows when you care
Always kiss your lady, tell her that you love her,
Pray and make a baby, that was made to love
Show her she’s important, bring flowers for her,
And build on the truth (build on the truth)

If you take a little walk with me (walk with me)
Girl I’ll lead you to the truth (girl, I’ll lead you, lead you)
And if you never give up on me (give up on me)
Girl, I’ll share it all with you (Girl, I’ll share it all)
Show directions when I’ve lost my way (lost my way)
I’ll be around to stay (I’ll be around) to show you the truth, truth

If you trust me, I’ll make sure to build you up, through all your dreams
You and I will go together
Forget your past, the love you had that never last
God knew your heart and I was made for you
Girl, I won’t mistreat you, never
Always make love to you
Go to church together, even get baptized too
We can read the bible (read the bible)
Play mom father
This marriage is true (oh)

If you take a little walk with me (walk with me)
Girl I’ll lead you to the truth (girl, I’ll lead you, lead you)
And if you never give up on me (give up on me)
Girl, I’ll share it all with you (Girl, I’ll share it all)
Show directions when I’ve lost my way (lost my way)
I’ll be around to stay (I’ll be around) to show you the truth, truth (x2)
Songwriters: VINCENT, STAN/HARRIS, JAMES SAMUEL III/LEWIS, TERRY
The Truth lyrics © EMI Music Publishing, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Universal Music Publishing Group, Ultra Tunes

lyrics found here

Prince’s Ea’s Video about Labels

So a friend of mine, Wendy of Wendy Jane’s Soul Shake, posted this video on Facebook last night.  I am already a fan of Prince Ea, but I was yet to see this video.

Prince Ea is a rapper/spoken word type artist.  I love his videos because they are very thought provoking and inspiring.  He started the  “Make ‘SMART’ Cool” movement and you can find more info on him here or you can just watch the video below and decide for yourself.

I really enjoyed this video.  I hope you do as well.  Feel free to comment below or share with others.  Thanks for checking this out!

 

 

Knowing Your Worth

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What is speaking the truth?  Speaking my truth?  Speaking your truth? It’s all different.  What is true to me may not be true to you.  But what matters is that we are true to ourselves.  To our true, authentic selves. 
I was out the other night, for drinks and really wanted to go dancing.  Once I got out though, I started to get this anxiety.  I saw different people, some I’m not fond of, and realized that I immediately started hearing voices in my head.  Their voices.  I was imagining what these people were thinking of me.  Whether I was right or wrong, I was imagining them all judging me.  I started looking around the room, I started feeling small, like I wanted to hide away.  Crawl into a corner.  Me!  I always seem so calm and confident.  I am the one who will go to a bar or restaurant alone to enjoy a meal.  I don’t care what people think.  WRONG!  I realized I was sitting here thinking all these people were judging me in some way.  Feeling uncomfortable.  Feeling Insecure.  I started feeling like I wanted to run and hide. Then I talked to myself.  I stopped for a minute and said, “Elissa!  What the hell do you care???? Really?  What if they do think those things??”  I looked around the room again, observing.  Changing my thought patterns.  I started asking myself these questions, who are these people?  How much do they matter to you?  What do their opinions matter? Are these people you want to base your self worth on?  All of a sudden I felt empowered,  for many reasons.  First, I just didn’t care.  If these people were actually thinking these things of me, the ones I had made up in my head, who cares?  They obviously don’t know me.  Who were they to judge me? Then I took it a little further and thought, why am I even here? Yes, I came to meet my niece for a bit.  Yes, I wanted to hear some good music (old school 80’s and 90’s r&b) but really, are these the people, in this room, that I want to base my worth on?  Is this what I want to be doing a week, a month, a year from now?  NO! 
I looked at my just finished drink.  I looked at my tab.  I looked at my surroundings and my situation and thought HELL NO!  This is NOT where I want to be.  This is not how I want to invest my time, my money, my thoughts, my feelings and my energy.  It was like a wake up call.
Now don’t get me wrong, there were people in the room that I like.  People that are very nice, that were just out with a group of friends.  Overall, I do enjoy to go out and dance.  I love going out with my girlfriends and shaking it on the dance floor.  But, in the grand scheme of things, I want so much more out of life!  I could be spending my time and money so much better.  I could be home in bed all cuddled up with…my journal. Lol  Honestly, this is where I would rather be.  In fact, that’s what I came home and did.  Here is a glimpse of what I wrote:

Sometimes we need reminders of where we don’t want to be.  Where we came from.  To let people think what they want to.  Stop caring WTF people think!  Today is my day to say I’m done!  Done with small minds and simple living.  Done with not knowing my worth.  With placing my worth in someone else’s hands.  Done with focusing on a number.  A scale.  Who the F cares??  These people are not important in the grand scheme of things.  Not worth energy or thoughts.  I have so much more to worry about.  To focus on.  Put my energy into.  I can’t be bothered with pettiness.  I want so much more in life.  I need to focus on what I want and need in my life.  I have been so blessed already.  

I realized that I want to do something with my life.  I don’t want to live the day to day, ho hum, everyday 9-5 life.  I want to live!  I need to make a plan to get out!  I need to do something meaningful in this life. Put my time, money and energy into what I love.  Into writing, into people, into making a difference.   I need to stop focusing on losing weight.  Stop focusing on my weight at all and focus on DOING something!  Who cares what I weigh? Move more.  Eat Healthy.  Do things you love!  Dance, Sing, Write, LIVE!!  Let go of the made up critical voices in our heads telling us we aren’t worthy.
I only share this because I KNOW I am not alone.  I know there are plenty of people, (I’m guessing everyone of you has had this experience) with the voices in your head feeding you negative thoughts.  STOP!  Take back your power!  Know your worth!  Start putting your time and energy into you and what you love.  Don’t worry about anyone else.  Just be true to you.  

PHOTO CREDIT:  I do not own the rights to this photo it was found on the internet

I am

I am truth
I am beauty
I am confidence
I am light
shining forth
From the inside out
To reflect
all
that is within me 
Expanding
Into nature
to share with this world
To light
The way for others
To heal
To love
I am strength
unimagined
I am the only me
Made like no other
Beauty
Love
Gentleness
Radiating
from within
Shining bright for all to see
To empower others
To light the way
towards my path
So that i may see
where i am heading
To a place of peace and joy
To create
A magical moment
in the day to day
To touch one person
To light the way of hope
So that it may ripple on
to infinity
To spread
throughout the universe

Truth and lies

You try to cover your truth with lies
Close your eyes
You can’t disguise
The monsters and demons
The pit of my stomach
Intuition is beaming
It’s a knowing
A feeling
Lies so soft and sweet
Telling me what you think i want to hear
This is not strength
It’s fear
Afraid to speak your truth
Honesty unknown
Lie to me
To keep me smiling
But deep down inside
I am dying
Tearing apart with each falsehood
Truth hurts sometimes
Unfathomable
Breaks
Cracks
The pictures of perfection
shattered images
Facing reality
Not always easy

Soul on fire

He stands strong in his truth
fists not for fighting
but arms
to embrace and protect her
from those who came before him
Those that tried to knock her down
To steal her peace and beauty
He sings from his soul
every note chips away at the walls
she has built to protect her heart
His voice 
strong and soothing
He speaks
words of wisdom and knowledge
filling her mind
filling her spirit
She thirsts for more
He kisses her lips
her body soars
flying above the clouds
Her soul is on fire
with the touch of his hands
Strong and brave
is her heart
as she lets him

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India Arie’s Christmas with Friends Show in Boston

This past Sunday I was fortunate enough to go to the Christmas with friends songversation in Boston with India Arie.  India does not call it a concert or a performance, it’s simply a songversation.   She recently released a Christmas album and is doing a Christmas tour.  When I first got to the show I was excited and nervous.  With the combination of the holiday season, PMS and my mother’s genes I was feeling very emotional!  When India came onto the stage, she started with her prayer and sang I Am Light, the lyrics were so healing.  It was like therapy. Reassurance.  I am not the things I have done or my past mistakes.  She spoke to my heart, telling me to let the past be the past. It does not define me or who I am.  I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.  It was like I had been holding my breath and finally I could release it all.  Let out the old carbon dioxide and take in fresh air!

The room, filled with so many different people.  Every shade and hue from a milky white to a sweet caramel and  a deep dark rich chocolate.  All gathered in one room.  One purpose.  To listen to India’s voice, her message, her WORDS!  As she sang the classic “Favorite Things” from the Sound of Music to The Christmas Song while weaving in many of her hits from over the years.  I thought to myself, she could sing a death metal song right now and make it sound like rainbows and unicorns to my ears.  It was like I could see the music notes dancing throughout the theater.  As I looked around to see the multitude of different people, every color of skin, every shape and size, bald headed, curly hair, short, tall… there was at least one of everyone in the room… It was pure beauty.  It was like the Benetton ads from the 90’s.  Every single person smiling, crying, singing, healing!  It was an overwhelming feeling of PURE LOVE!  With the hate, the fear, the violence going on in the world these days it felt amazing to be a part of this moment.  To be in that room full of love for one night was so healing!!!  Even more comforting  was to know that I could share that moment with my son.

At 17, my “Pooky Bear” ( a name I made up to embarrass him but it never works because he’s too confident) doesn’t like to hang with Mama bear too often.   Somehow over the years of listening and singing (not so great) to India’s music, he too has become a fan.  As a mother, it was my joy and blessing to have the memory of that night with my son.  The show was amazing!  India was and is amazing!  I know, I know, she is a woman like me, but she can sing much better so I gotta give her props for that.  It was a great night.

When we had first arrived and waited for the show to start, we looked around and discussed the fact that there seemed to be such a strange crowd of people and how some didn’t seem to fit in.  We even joked about the fact that the older white lady who had come by herself and was sitting next to us would be me in about 25 years. However, by the end of the night it all made sense.  This group of fans may look like they don’t fit, but over all they had much more in common that one would think.  To limit this crowd, as being brought here because they are India fans barely touches the surface. To be present that night and feel the peace and unity as the audience sang along to One.  To realize everyone in this room had so much more in common.  On the outside we were all so different, but together we all shared a common spirit of humanity, love and peace.  In that moment, in that theater, it was felt.  For that one night  we forgot about all the fear, the pain, the hate and violence going on outside.

As we drove home that night my son and I were talking about the show.  I wish I could describe that overwhelming feeling of love.  It felt as if my heart was pouring over with love.  As if I could no longer contain it.  India has a song called Soulbird Rise and refers to her fans as “soulbirds”.  The best way I can sum up the night is with this poem I wrote.

Let me be your soul bird

Together we will fly among the clouds

Let me be your soul bird

We will rise above the crowds

To speak our truth

Our voices heard

Our message strong and loud

One love that grows

One peace to show

One step to take

Towards Unity

Cause that’s our common ground

Let me be your soulbird

While at the show India mentioned that she had recently written several essays and encouraged the audience to read them and comment.  I found it very interesting that she talked a lot about the power of words and how we use them.  I have started reading her essays and encourage you all to check out her page. (Soulbird.com)  I’m not saying this just because I am a fan of her music, but I am a fan of her message and her words.

It’s funny that this was a Christmas show, yet reading over my blog, there is no feeling of Christmas.  I don’t talk about sleigh bells or presents or Santa anywhere in here!  For me, no matter what holiday you celebrate, it’s about being together.  It’s about sharing memories, laughter, food, friends, family and love.  The show that night, for me, was about creating memories with my son.  Everyone gets so wrapped up in the spending money, buying gifts, making sure everything is a certain way.  Maybe that is what the show was supposed to do. Remind everyone to take a break from the stress, the chaos in this world and just create a positive memory.  A feeling of love.

Wishing you all a Merry Christmas or whatever you may celebrate!  Peace on earth!