Adventures of the Traveling Grief Case

As I sit and think back to a couple of years ago at Christmas, I remember it was our first Christmas in our own place.  I was happy that it was finally just the two of us (my son Isaiah and I), but my heart was breaking because I had no money to spend on my son.  I knew his dad was getting him an ipad.  I knew he wouldn’t go without, but as a mother I hated that I couldn’t get him much for Christmas.  I remember bawling my eyes out.
This year is different.  Money is not my concern this year. I’m not rolling in the dough by any means, but it is not a stress.  However, this year I have noticed so many posts of people who have lost children, parents, and loved ones at this time of year.  My heart was heavy as I saw that an old school mate had lost her son to cancer.  Her son, who was about the same age as mine.  Seeing this hit me hard.  As a mother, and a sensitive person, I couldn’t help but cry.  In fact, I sobbed.  I could NOT imagine having the strength to deal with losing a child.  I thought of friends I had lost and how their mothers had went through this.  No matter the age, I could not fathom the pain these mothers (and fathers) have endured.  I cried. I sobbed. I prayed.  For love and healing for these women.  I prayed that if I couldn’t take away their pain maybe I could share it some how. 
Every year I say I’m not going to stress at Christmas.  Every year I say I will break this cycle I’ve carried on of getting emotional and stressed out trying to have the “perfect” Christmas.  This year I mean it!  This year I am going to think of all the mothers wishing they had their children in their arms.  This year I am going to hold my son a little tighter, hug him a little longer and kiss him a few extra times.  I’m going to enjoy every moment with my family, even when they get on my nerves!  I’m not going to stress making it the perfect day.  I am going to say a prayer and thank God for every single one of them.  I’m going to say a prayer for the mothers out there missing a piece of their hearts.  I’m truly going to be thankful for the blessings I already have.