Some days when I want to write something and save it for later I will email myself. Last night I was going through my email folders, because yes, my email is pretty organized. My house could be a mess if you walked in, but not my email. I have folders that are all labeled. I have one marked writing and another free writing but I had forgotten about the one marked personal.
Well, I found it pretty interesting that I should find some of my emails to myself from last summer about loving me. Especially since just the other day I had written a letter to myself about loving me. I thought I would share…
7-17-15
Just for today I am loving me. I am releasing all negative energy. I am releasing negative people from my life. I am healing and loving my body, mind and spirit. I am taking time for me. I am awakening the beauty with in my soul. I am protecting my spirit. I will not be drawn into other’s negativity. I will cleanse my body. Let go of all that does not strenghten me and feed my soul. I am letting in the light so that it may shine from within me. So that others can see my beauty. I am loving me so that I can be open to loving others. To be open to giving and receiving. All that I deserve.
>7-17-15
It’s been too long now that I haven’t been loving myself. For the first time in a long time I have started loving me again. I will no longer place my worth and value on other people. I will no longer let people disrespect me and take advantage. I am setting boundaries and teaching other people to treat me with the respect I deserve. I am treating myself with that love and respect I deserve. It is long overdue. I am feeling strong. I am showing my strength.
9-8-15
Battling the constant struggle of who I am and who I want to be.
Accepting who I am and struggling to be that person that I once loved.
Fighting myself. Avoidance. Self-destruction. Is it that I question if I really deserve to be that person?
That somewhere deep down inside i am fighting happiness.
Undeserving.
Unloved.
See only faults.
The shadow side has been given free range.
If i accept my shadows…those things done in the dark.
Hidden away in the closet.
Stuffed so deeply as not to be exposed.
After reading these emails I felt I needed to share them. You see, no matter how much we love ourselves, we all have days when we feel down. We all have a “shadow side” or a not so happy and loving side. We’re not perfect, we’re human. Sometimes we get grouchy, sad, angry and even hangry! But we all deserve to love and be loved, regardless of our imperfections.
I had a dream last night and when I woke up this morning I realized something about myself. I realized that for a long time I felt that my moodiness or difficult ways made me believe I shouldn’t be in a relationship. For so long I thought I would just end up making someone miserable. I finally realized that I deserve love like anyone does. I realized that no one is perfect but, I am actually an amazing woman, even with my flaws!
You see, it’s all in the way we look at things. We can complain about having too many dirty dishes or be thankful we have food in our bellies that created those dirty dishes. We can gripe about electric bills or car insurance or be thankful we have electricity and a car to drive. So yes, we all have flaws, but if we stop and look from a different perspective we can see the amazing men and women we are.
Adventures of the Traveling Grief Case 
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