I’ve been getting the message of being your own best friend a lot lately, from all different places. It’s like the universe is sending me signs. One of these signs came from Afrika Bohemian of Tribe 53’s post called UHURU THURSDAYS: WOMBMAN OWN YOURSELF! She had been inspired by a post Tikeetha from A Thomas Point of View did called It’s About Time. They were both inspired by my post Loving Me where I wrote myself a love letter. They weren’t the only ones because Josie over at Mindjobusiness.com also wrote a love letter to herself inspired by my post which she calls Why I Love Josie. And the best part is this was all inspired by Just Plain Ol’ Vic post Food for Thought. Who knew this would come full circle? We just knew we all had a common goal of spreading the love.
Lately I have not been in the mood to blog much and mostly because I needed to write for me. No one else. Just me.
I have also been spending time reflecting on friendships and relationships in general. Not even those with other people, but with myself. Recently some people and events from the past have been triggered in my mind. You know those things that you thought you were over? Then someone says a word or a phrase and all of a sudden it’s like a slap in the face and you are reminded of a person, people, and/or events that haunt you. It’s like even though you thought you had moved on, forgiven them or let go, you realize there is something you need to acknowledge before you can truly move on.
I was reminded of some people and times in my life when I was surrounded by people who lied, manipulated and smiled in my face. Kind of like the ones that the O’Jays sang about back in the day… the backstabbers! It started to give me anxiety and this feeling of not wanting to trust anyone. So what did I do? I had to take some time out for me.
I started thinking about how manipulators like to blame everyone else for their problems. It made me stop and think about taking responsibility for my actions. So I started to look at the issue from a different point of view. I started to ask myself, “Wait…what did I do? How did I allow these people to treat me this way? Where were my boundaries to allow this to happen? What did I put up with?” By taking the responsibility back on myself it allowed me to see that maybe I wasn’t taking care of me first. What kind of friend was I being to myself?
The more I really took some time to write about and reflect on letting go of manipulative friends in general, the more I realized that it wasn’t even these people from my past that haunted me. It was me. I had actually gotten to the point that I didn’t trust my own judgement. I realized when I looked back at all these people and events I was seeing signs, but I was ignoring them. I was letting my boundaries down and I wasn’t sticking up for myself as a friend. Why is it we are so quick to defend our friends before ourselves? Maybe not everyone is like that, but I realized I can be.
I decided that it was time to let go of the past and these things that bothered me. I started to write a letter to one of these people but then decided against it. This person never deserved to have my time and attention in the first place so why even acknowledge them now. Instead, I chose to write to myself a letter of apology and forgiveness, because ultimately I was upset with myself. In order to move forward I finally realized I had to forgive myself for mistakes I had made, forgive myself for not being my own friend and forgive myself for not being perfect.
I know this is a continuous process and I will need to do it again. I know I will make mistakes in the future and maybe let some of these types of people back into my life because of who I am. But for now I can take the lessons I have learned in order to move forward, especially the lesson of forgiving, just like I would do for a best friend. I can work on being my own best friend.