I’ve been getting the message of being your own best friend a lot lately, from all different places. It’s like the universe is sending me signs. One of these signs came from Afrika Bohemian of Tribe 53’s post called UHURU THURSDAYS: WOMBMAN OWN YOURSELF! She had been inspired by a post Tikeetha from A Thomas Point of View did called It’s About Time. They were both inspired by my post Loving Me where I wrote myself a love letter. They weren’t the only ones because Josie over at Mindjobusiness.com also wrote a love letter to herself inspired by my post which she calls Why I Love Josie. And the best part is this was all inspired by Just Plain Ol’ Vic post Food for Thought. Who knew this would come full circle? We just knew we all had a common goal of spreading the love.
Lately I have not been in the mood to blog much and mostly because I needed to write for me. No one else. Just me.
I have also been spending time reflecting on friendships and relationships in general. Not even those with other people, but with myself. Recently some people and events from the past have been triggered in my mind. You know those things that you thought you were over? Then someone says a word or a phrase and all of a sudden it’s like a slap in the face and you are reminded of a person, people, and/or events that haunt you. It’s like even though you thought you had moved on, forgiven them or let go, you realize there is something you need to acknowledge before you can truly move on.
I was reminded of some people and times in my life when I was surrounded by people who lied, manipulated and smiled in my face. Kind of like the ones that the O’Jays sang about back in the day… the backstabbers! It started to give me anxiety and this feeling of not wanting to trust anyone. So what did I do? I had to take some time out for me.
I started thinking about how manipulators like to blame everyone else for their problems. It made me stop and think about taking responsibility for my actions. So I started to look at the issue from a different point of view. I started to ask myself, “Wait…what did I do? How did I allow these people to treat me this way? Where were my boundaries to allow this to happen? What did I put up with?” By taking the responsibility back on myself it allowed me to see that maybe I wasn’t taking care of me first. What kind of friend was I being to myself?
The more I really took some time to write about and reflect on letting go of manipulative friends in general, the more I realized that it wasn’t even these people from my past that haunted me. It was me. I had actually gotten to the point that I didn’t trust my own judgement. I realized when I looked back at all these people and events I was seeing signs, but I was ignoring them. I was letting my boundaries down and I wasn’t sticking up for myself as a friend. Why is it we are so quick to defend our friends before ourselves? Maybe not everyone is like that, but I realized I can be.
I decided that it was time to let go of the past and these things that bothered me. I started to write a letter to one of these people but then decided against it. This person never deserved to have my time and attention in the first place so why even acknowledge them now. Instead, I chose to write to myself a letter of apology and forgiveness, because ultimately I was upset with myself. In order to move forward I finally realized I had to forgive myself for mistakes I had made, forgive myself for not being my own friend and forgive myself for not being perfect.
I know this is a continuous process and I will need to do it again. I know I will make mistakes in the future and maybe let some of these types of people back into my life because of who I am. But for now I can take the lessons I have learned in order to move forward, especially the lesson of forgiving, just like I would do for a best friend. I can work on being my own best friend.
EMBRACING MY INNER GINGER 
I love how the love letter had a chain reaction! That is exactly what the blogging family is about.
And being your own best friend is an ongoing process for me as well. I don’t think there’s necessarily an “end result” but rather peaks + valleys, times when you need to love yourself a little better or step back an assess.
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Absolutely! I love the blogging fam and it is definitely a process! Thanks for reading and commenting
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This morning I woke up with the thought of someone who hurt me, )the reason I started I started my blog) and had this overwhelming need to write him a letter. Then I read your post and decided that letter did not need to be written to him, he already knows how he betrayed me. I need to work on myself, thank you for giving me a new perspective on this.
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That’s really cool! The timing is amazing. This is why I blog. I’m so glad to hear. Thanks for reading and commenting
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Another great blog!! Keep it up girl! I have always been one to defend others and to allow people to treat me like crap… I’m finally learning to love myself and to stop doing for others, knowing I cannot even do for myself. Those days are over! It took a few years and was far from “easy” but I continue to make progress daily. I learned I had to think about me!! Who else is going to think about me?? The sad answer to that question is NO ONE! I don’t need anyone to!! Now that I think about me and make sure I put my needs before others. ❤
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Thanks. Why does it take so damn long for some of us to get it?? Lol
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Man oh man have I been here before lol. My revelation was regarding a relationship that I was beating myself up for investing in. I learned so much about myself while replaying the events in my mind and I did NOT like what I learned. I eventually got to the point where I had to acknowledge and address my part in the mess – how I allowed myself to slack on loving me JUST to try to gain the love of someone else. I’m proud of you for readdressing that letter to yourself. Its a hard pill to swallow and it takes courage to do that. Don’t feel obligated to read this but if you want to see the “revelation” you can read it here: http://mindjobusiness.com/2015/08/24/5-truths-about-your-heartbreak/
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I will definitely read! Thanks for reading. Yes, most people are a blessing or a lesson! I’ve met a lot of lessons so far… lol
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Its interesting how the same events occur for all of us, but with different players: the same incidences with the same emotions, and the reactions of state of mind. The self doubt, and/or the blaming of others…whilst, as you said, it was ‘I’ who gave permission for that sort of behaviour coming from the manipulaters, liers; deceivers, users, – ‘the back stabbers’; I was glad you decided against the letter – They don’t take much on board or consider others’ perspective. In addition, they see attempts at resolution or an explanation of how terrible ‘their’ actions had made you feel , as something like an invitation to take up arms and , or a weakness (not theirs of course)…. I have come to read and rely on action rather than what is said…..
Congrat’ for dealing with it, and for building the relationship with your good self.
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Exactly! They just make excuses! Validate their own actions and blame others. I was just going to write the letter to that person but not give it, still, they don’t deserve even that.
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yep. :-}
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Thanks so mu ch for reading and commenting!
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my pleasure. it was a great read.
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